i heart u.

i prove me wrong.

2010-03-12T18:36:00.002+08:00

sometimes, u just need to fall hard to the ground, and then u'll realise. that u're a fool for climbing up so high and thought someone would catch u when u fall.

no such things as happily ever after.

i hate this part.

2010-02-08T00:41:00.002+08:00

when we suffered a catastrophic loss. we all moved through 5 distinct stages of grief. we go into denial because the loss is so unthinkable. we can't imagine its true. we become angry with everyone, angry with survivors, angry with ourselves. then we bargain. we begged. we plead. we offer everything we have. we offer our souls, in exchange for just one more day. when the bargaining has failed and the anger is too hard to mainatin.. we fall into depression, despair until finally we have to accept that we have done everything we can, we let go.

we let go and moved into acceptance.

even when it hurts.

2010-02-01T11:15:00.003+08:00

i know you will be fine without me. and dont worry. i be fine too.

:.)

random tantrums.

2010-01-24T19:04:00.004+08:00

how bitchy can life be. teachers call you on your freaking off duty to check up on assignments -_- and weekend's evening were spending in stations despite taking rides with superman.. BUTocks, superman have been super duper great lately :)

me: " stress se, otak boleh mati se!! penat se, keje! keje! keje! tak dapat duit pulak tu!! and i want to shop baaaaaadly se! "

*muke mintak kene kesian follows by a sigh*

zuli: "tahan la kae brape bulan lagi je..tkpe kae, nanti bile you off, kite gi shopping kay baby"

*kening naik2*

BABY!!! LOL! oh well.. this is why we girlsssss need boyfriend. and they come in handy too :D so then again after much of hating shift and procasinating to go work and work load, dearest will always be so sugary sweet to make my life much easier who never fails to send me or pick me because im his princess like that :D

kaaaaah-chhiiing! i hear coming next weekend :)

thursday.

2010-01-14T13:37:00.003+08:00

started the day with the worst ever person and then you thought wrong when it finally turn out to be the one you need most. it seems to me, being a teacher is never easy. u get bullied, u get pain, u get stab, u get jealousy and every other words that you can find in the dictionary of hate. bcause they make you suffer to be good and u dun realise till eventually when they are gone. so how is it as a student, you would want others to realise that this person is actually good ? i guess life is written fairly unfair as it is.

on another note, govt. dogs call love yesterday while he was working and brought up the 2007 case. what a way to start with our new year heh. loove has been extra extra special this week :) and yes i miss him already. 1900hrs come sooon!!! and we are going to spent the rest of the night blabbering on the rough days and slamming unwanted places and breaking the rules.

because we just don't care.

back to reality check.

2009-12-30T00:14:00.002+08:00

time check; it 12:05am. and since 19:00hrs only the title of my assignment is written on a white piece of paper. bcause when i switched on my lappy, my minds directed to happy island on fb. and you cant blame me. its so very addictive :/

anywaaaaaaaays. shangrila was awesome, and of course with little surprise of cuzzie first's bf :) a little bit of throwing ourselves from 6th story, literally jumping off cliffs at mega zip. the never ending giggles of silly adventure in the so called imbiah forest, the 4th time movie of 300, the gift exchange and the weather throughout is very compromising as well. but this time round, our trip felt a little bit too short t be called holiday, and sure do next time when we go for holidays it'll be a week, tops.

feeling awfully sick, with tempreture of 38 degrees and the icthing dry throats that is killing me with flu like symptoms.. sigh.. i need longer breaks i guess. and no! its not bcause im just starting to do my assignments, but bcause this infectious happen since after the trip :( back t school next week which is a bitch however greater opportunity to countdown this yr, which was whole lot of shit happen, of course besides, the course ive taken n shifting of house nearer t zuli n the 3 times getting bursury and finally letting go of my krr and my 21st sexciting with loves ones, so i shall not complain.

what's my resolution? becoming a paramedic? getting good grades? upgrading? get a a car license? forever ever with zuli? live longer? nah.. i dun tend t plan. bcause when i do, and if it fails, im the the one t be blame and i ending up regretting and sadness and anger builds in and everything else in between. let it all fall into places where i sit back,relax and enjoy the ride.

happy new year to you and may good comes upon.

sheesh, so much of words,i realised i tend t brag when im sick.

christmas eve.

2009-12-24T10:55:00.004+08:00

snuggling in thick blankets, not showered, smell of rain plus hot coco with unbrush teeth equals to this is my morning :) of course if i were in a different context of religion, i be rushing off t stores and grab last minutes gifts plus a little bit of my shopping :) and mommy's buzy baking cookies and roasting turkeys while the little ones sings jesus on trees. still unpacked, still undecicive of what to wear bcause of yesternights moaning over my terrible results, and so i have woke up t this perfect morning which im nt going t ruin like a depressed child who doesnt gets chocolate ice-creams with hot fudge for dessert. -_- this is my week and i know im going t fcuking enjoy the holidays with love ones and

let shangrila take my breath awaaaaaay.

have a great weekend and happy holidays :)

troubled.

2009-12-13T12:57:00.003+08:00

we always wish that we can control everything in palms of our hands. but some things is just too much to control that gets out of control, when even if we knew because we pretend that everything is going to be alright.

just to live for another day.

is that too much t ask?

2009-12-09T17:12:00.002+08:00

sometimes, i want t marry you. most times, i really like you. many times, i want t grow up with you. but for now that i love you, i just want t be with you,

only you.

super weekend.

2009-12-07T12:36:00.004+08:00

my left shoulder's been hurt since the past 2 days and got worst today after handling the race in town yesterday when i woke up from 48 hrs of non sleep bitching session with my girls and 8 hrs of standing under the hot scorching sun. i call myself wonder woman.

oh and today i think i officially murder my thighs and calves just because. what more can i ask for later's night shift in station? before that im runnig to vivo to meet the girls for next seasons netball. so another 4 hrs more off sleep bitch.

lets go jiggle it.

everysingleonedamnperson is.

2009-10-30T21:45:00.002+08:00

tired. you'll yell and scream. you'll scold and swear. you'll blame and curse. you'll argue and fight. tired.

tell me who dont know what is tired.

show some skin.

2009-09-27T11:55:00.002+08:00

sometimes its okay to break a rule, t make mistakes, t just listen t yourself. bcause after all,

you dont live for people.

another one bites the dust

2009-09-18T01:06:00.002+08:00

I rest my case you are always this late,

And you know how much I hate waiting around

'round 'round,

you are my bitter heart

2009-09-15T23:41:00.004+08:00

you rushed t talk to me at work, or even at home. and it comes with the "i buzy" reason. and we even barely ask simple question like "nari buke ape?" because you are too buzy WITH YOURSELF. u spent 3 fucking stairght days with your friends and yes im COMPLAINING NOW bcause 1.) U LIED TO ME ABOUT WORKING ON SUNDAY JUST TO DO YOUR FUCKING BIKE, bcause u know i would ask u t pick me up at kallang after my match. B.)you said you were fucking tired yesterday t even teman me t eat when u already buka sedap2 with YOUR FRIEND and being selfish to yourself. and D.) u rushed t talk t me again, and not letting me know what time u coming home and you fucking switch off your hp from 9.30 till now uh. which i know u will give such reasons as batt low, or.. the hp spoil.. so FUCKING TYPICAL OF U. dont tell me you dint touch your hp the whole time la! when u with me u checked it like every 1/2 hr!! FUCK YOU!

im sorry for the angst. but sometimes, it's just killing me. bcause you get sick and tired and you just wish you could shoot yourself.and when you think about it, you ask yourself..

"why am i still with you?"

im sorry.

2009-08-26T16:43:00.001+08:00

because u know we can never be together. and i dont wan to.

please.

cinta

2009-08-16T14:31:00.003+08:00

have always and will always.

we are only human.

2009-08-03T01:14:00.002+08:00

sometimes, u want more than just enough.

i want it all!!

2009-06-19T11:45:00.008+08:00

and these vouchers. because seriously, i need t shop PRONTO!!

run and hide.

2009-06-13T18:09:00.001+08:00

its not about me or you.

its the chase isnt it.

moving on.

2009-06-08T15:45:00.002+08:00

you know you dont want me. in fact u dont even need me. so just go fuck yourself n feel free t suck pussy(s) because ure unwanted like that who need extra attention that nobody is ever willing t give you.

grow up dickhead.

ignorance.

2009-06-04T10:57:00.003+08:00

ever it came t your mind, who was always there for you when all your frends ditch u and u had no one else t hang on to?

think.

waits.

2009-06-02T00:45:00.004+08:00

and when i come home, to hear u only t know that u are pretensiously sleeping because you gave too much excuess of everyday tired just to get rid of me.

i ask myself why.

catching up.

2009-06-01T01:01:00.003+08:00

yoha.

its been a long time since ive been in here ranting about my daily random feelings and the things i do, and wants and needs and everything else in between. its been a whrilwind for me as everything falls on me too fast that im trying my best to hold on to everything that comes abruptly, how actually fun was school and believe it or not, im actually doing pretty good in school, how ironically i find what besties loves do most, and how im still trying to prove superman the bestest part of me that has ever happen. basically its still the same me, except that i am chasing time rapidly. in a couple of few more hrs, final theory exam awaits and im following alpha the very next day. maybe its the line im in that change my procasinating world, that change me. so till here. i will try and make time for my love ones and share it here. new friends awaits, holidays! besties birthday i cant wait!!sexciting 21 im going to be!! and superman's audition this sat bebeh!

i love june :)

when all u get is hurt.

2009-04-24T00:12:00.003+08:00

i need time. i need to think. i need to heal.

i need time.

how's school?

2009-04-19T12:54:00.001+08:00

how do you think? :)

i give.

2009-04-14T23:39:00.005+08:00

this act of us pretending in love, or even thinking its love, or even hoping you be better is getting pretty much bloody tiring .i dont even think i know what's the meaning of love anymore.why hope/will? when you dont even bother. listening to me, accomplishing my needs, only to prove that you're one promising person as to let me stay afloat because you wanted people to know you're the "good one". when you are not being sincere at all.

(breathe....)

i canot do this anymore.

i know i can pull though if i set my mind to it, and i know i'll pull through just because. i think i told you before why, insyaAllah kabul (God willing your prayers would be answered).

and why am i still here with you?

2009-04-12T22:57:00.001+08:00

the easiest way to a man's heart is through his stomach. my dad the simplest ever man you'll love.

happy bdae daddyOOOOO!

please

2009-04-10T16:02:00.003+08:00

love me more.

jangan sampai tawar hati.

2009-04-08T00:38:00.003+08:00

kau hancurkan aku dengan sikap mu

tak sedar kah ko telah menyakiti ku

malah hati ini menyakinkan mu

cinta ini membunuh ku.

that's my weekend.

2009-04-01T14:42:00.005+08:00

it suppose t start with plans meeting my nurul and iffa when the other half made unessary discussion that leads to compicated arguments ruin by leaving me lying in the middle of nowhere at 4 in the morning which leaves me 2 hrs more to work without any sleep for past 2 days, working with indonesian that ticks my shit off till today,12 hrs persistently every single day.

awesome feeling.

perserverance.

2009-03-19T02:23:00.002+08:00

i realize i complicate you when there is is nothing to mis-understand about. and we're so messed up now for i wish all would just stop and bring us back to the times when we're young because when i leap from somewhere high knowing i will fall hard, you catch me, and still. (:

i canot wait for mondaaaaaaay!

i want only my superman. PRONTO!

2009-03-18T00:43:00.003+08:00

i don't blame NS. i'm very reasonable. but it's always with the never ending bike problem that arises promptly. or the soccer which is absolute impossible to separate u from or just your random mac riding. when you ever have time for me now?

PERIOD.

WARNING! FOR HEAVY MESSAGE USER

2009-03-16T13:32:00.006+08:00

teman baru. i'm so going to bedazzle you with many bling2 (:

woot!woot!Life is Good!

irony.

2009-03-15T02:41:00.005+08:00

we use to call ourselves paris and nicole. the times when we care less of what others may think of us but only cares about what we think of each other because we always get into trouble and will always have each others back. they went their separate ways. paris getting more into clubbing madness and create shows like "new BFF". nicole's stabling her life and got married and had baby. heh.

do you think about me too?

still coming to read?

2009-03-13T12:54:00.007+08:00

i bet you've been told how bad and cruel i was from someone because you only state yor views when the previous entry was unseen about what i wrote against my bestfriend. i'm not the bitch yet here who offers the name and everything else in between. well i'm thankful that you're not the part of my life because you give such lousy advice and conclude pathetic judgments only to what i've written. i don't give a fuck about other "peeps" think of me because i dont mind their freaking buiseness like you do. Your empty words do not threaten me to think that my friends will have fatal assumptions about me because they do not have tiny little malfunctioning brain like you who gets little information and miraculously made things up about me.see, people like you tell cruel things about me in a nicer way, but mean things. you're just like a silent killer, like a venom in gas that kills innocent people who wants to share thoughts. Thank god OBAMA won. and i'm not surprise if you are someone i know trying to pretend to be a "sumbody". because everybody lies (:

its funny how i thought i could prove myself. instead i made a mistake. maybe there's no black and white to what you have done to me, but when i complain such littlest thing then the whole world hates me without any evidence, like i've release the deadliest virus, then the guilt will come and me begin to start blaming myself? it aint going to happen this time beb.

people are so stereotype ass these days.

because i feel a need to write.

2009-03-11T16:54:00.003+08:00

its been long since i've written corny entry so here goesss...

the whole of last week plus the past 2 days was to and fro kallang experimenting his gilera which has endlessly been killing me since its first arrive. because i'm deprived of late night movies and morning adventurious supper and all he has to care is just me.but now i feel like he has 2 girlfriends and which he pays more attention to the other. damn you gileraaaaaaaaaaaa!!

(sighs)

i've yet to visit sata and get my medical check up done. i intend to do it at the very last minute because then only i will know what i realy want. my brain works like that. and so today i sit at home almost the whole day baking with mom because that's how we spent time together and in a way of telling i still love you. i know right... i'm baking, mmmuffins.

so i will see superlove later and bring him some. and we're going marsling today to get the half-head plus goggle helmets. yyeh!

i realise i use the word "because" alot often.

thoughts that kills.

2009-03-10T00:28:00.001+08:00

maybe we like the pain.

maybe we're wired that way.

because without it.

i don't know

maybe we just wouldn't feel real.

what's that saying?

why do i keep hitting myself with a hammer?

because it feels so good when i stop.

bestworstpartfriend.

2009-03-08T01:53:00.006+08:00

i guess the media these days are not to be trusted. or maybe i'm just not a fucking yellow.

and what's up with bestfriends these days? telling me that i should know and think about what i have done wrong. for gawd sake!!! i'm not halobaluyah fortuneteller or some holy shit goddess. so fucking stop blaming and pretending that it's all my fucking fault already and that you have done nothing wrong living in you fake perfect little pathetic life. i'm still a human being if you must know. because i'm tired to giving in every single time, to spent every single penny i had just for your smile. trying my every best to understand the deepest shit you put me through and i never fucking complain. trying to be the clown so that you can laugh when you frown no matter how much it hurts t embarrass myself and being super stupid to apologize even if its not my bloody fucking fault because i know how egoist you've been. and it doesn't matter t you because its not enough isn't it?. untill my death bed, its still not enough for me to deserve a friend like you. and what happens to "i'm always here no matter what."

fuck it. fuck you.

no. i'm not ok

2009-03-04T23:45:00.005+08:00

your fatal assumptions made my words end with empty argument. your so called "lay back answers" like "what do you want me to say or do?" when you are not even putting any effort in listening will always drive me in paranoia that haunts me profusely at the back of my head which leads to doubting myself making me harder to think with the lack of convincing me that you are genuinely okay and everything else results to me judging that you have change, than it all comes back to the same cycle that its my bloody fault again over and over again and leaves me melancholy. ahh.. you know what, forget it, we don't have to talk about this.

why is this becoming so hard.

that's why you're my superman.

2009-03-03T00:19:00.009+08:00

having uncontrolled judgments. I wallow in negativity, though slowly eating the insides, it leaves a certain feeling of airiness like peeling scabs off a half-healed skin which allow to have a reason for every little fuckup or reason to blame for every little non-things or just being practically unreasonable. and still, you are always here, prodigiously positive and understand how shallow i can be at times, all the time.

i almost forgot.

2009-03-02T15:05:00.002+08:00

because your date, 29th feb was not here this year and youre in baliiiii.

happy 21st sweetheart.

which friend matter most.

2009-03-02T01:50:00.004+08:00

catch up with nickie, who always set me straight especially in future thinking. and we agreed to a perfect life, money and wisdom is the key to everything and of course with good looks, its a bonus point.

and note to self -

making the bed as a comfort zone to surf while monitor screen's on the floor, bad idea.

2009-03-01T02:18:00.003+08:00

hiatus mode in febuary.

mount alvernia.

polyclinics.

the bestfriend.

and i think late night sleeps is killing me.

well hello march.

2009-02-01T12:35:00.002+08:00

are you making me hate you? or regret in any way? or to come crawling back to you on how foolish i was to leave? are you trying to make me talk to you? because you know its never going to happen no matter what you do. and its not a choice. its my decision. we are done, a very long time ago. we are history. so stop hovering already. stop being angry. move on . get a life. for your sake at least. because seriously, you are killing yourself. i believe if some things are just not meant to be, its not meant to be. let it go. i dont see the reason why someone continue to be so vengeful towards a person.

you're happy for if i'm happy. remember?

2009-01-28T11:01:00.007+08:00

the weekends with family plus him in sentosa siloso resort was splendid.

i think Singapore should set up reclaim land for something useful this time for the foreigner who came here to work. seriously they are over crowding, seriously serious.

air gelap siol kat sentosa!!tak bedek!

2009-01-24T02:37:00.003+08:00

an hour ago and still,

i just can't stop sobering.

2009-01-23T01:13:00.002+08:00

you text, and ask if i was fine.

we are friends, real friends. and that means no matter how long it takes, when you finally do decide to look back i'll still be here.

i am fine. its been too long to be just fine.

2009-01-22T14:00:00.002+08:00

i damn know who i want to be with and why i am a fool who still wants it and i obviously don't frigging care.

so what the fuck are you trying to do now?

2009-01-17T14:58:00.004+08:00

GOODAY.

so today i just pack everything. almost everything. and no, i don't fold clothes. i just shaft it in the box with the hangers as well, so when ive moved i just have to hang it. haa. i think i can start selling my clothes online because i have too many of them already. and some of it i have not worn. you know when you're in the season of sale, everything cheap also must buy. yea, i'm gullible like that. but most of you know i pick good clothes with cheap prices. well so it doesn't matter if give it away, because i'm kind heart too. yea right.

so my room is painted with sassy pink and yellow sunshine stripes. its more gurly than ever i know!! enough already with purple. it's so last last year. haa! and what's up with the trend these days heh.tomorrow is the official date of moving, though parent have been always anxious going to and fro the new house i also don't know why. i'm just going sleep naked tonight and wear the same thing tomorrow of what i wore today. hahaha.

i remember the times, i had to sneak out at 1-2 in the morning just to stay up late night and do stupid things, riding through unrecognized roads and get lost, endless clubbing and back at 5 in the morning with less than an hour sleep because school starts at 8 in the same morning. . omgst those were the times!! till, i got caught when mom still awake waiting right in front of the TV where its placed near my door, sitting ferociously staring at me. it was that night i started to lay myself low and be a goody goody. yea. lucky me mom didn't trow me out yet. but she changed the gate lock several times because i kept calling the key master to unlock. until finally she change it to rod iron. heh. that's when i started climbing through windows because my room is facing the corridor. and im not caught until today. damn should have just started with windows in the first place. haa. but to where i'm moving, everything changes. mom's giving me the keys to the new house. which means i am entitle to stay up late but occasionally. which is "grown up thing" is progressing with mom.

new TV, new wardrobe, new lappy, new Cammy, new hand phone coming the way, can i ask 1 more thing, i want cable in my room please. i need to watch kyle xy and lipstick jungle and finish the series of grey's anatomy and not get over friends. i never ask anything more than that :)

everything's new when i'm still the old me.

2009-01-15T22:16:00.003+08:00

i persistently asked you countless times and reassure you because i know your damn straight priority. again you shut me off with a very, very simple thing call promise. its not about being complainer but because it made to much complicated hopes that i linger for that mess everything up. but heh, you are just so predictable.

i am being very reasonable as i can be.

2009-01-15T11:00:00.003+08:00

i do not need you to get to know them too well either.

its' just too soon.

i know we both are still young,

we still don't know what's right or wrong.

and i understand perfectly why,

why you refused sometimes, most times.

because we don't hold the future.

i dont blame you.

and i'm scared too

believe me.

2009-01-14T01:27:00.002+08:00

over and over again,

i would rewind the scene

when you held my left hand

while riding with only one other hand on the handle

and my eyes closed.

because i know i'm safe

you make me feel safe.

2009-01-13T12:10:00.003+08:00

my weekends was spent with most exhaustion, restless nights and tiredness endless.But it was all worth it and alhamduliallah they are now pronounce happily newlyweds. the difference that makes now, i can't sleep over already lah! haha. so its a whole new experience im considered myself lucky to be the M.O.H and share with you on your special day, because i know what to be expected when it comes to my day which i see it will be soooon, NOT!! LA EH!!!. i still got 21, 23, to go and i have not bought my own car and not travel.. HahA!! so wedding can wait long long (: be sending them to their HORNYMOON later haa. they'll be landing in MALDIVES bebeh for 4 nights. best kan!! i'm not jealouse uh, i can go, but i don't want to, because i have a choice, ok i'm just being bitch.

they are like these most times.

at less time still natural human .

as far you know that my cammy has died on me long long long ago (hint*hint*) i can't possibly bring my humangous polaroid to everywhere so i'm waiting!! to grab the photos from relatives.

pictures soooooon.

stay tuned!!!!!!!!!!

2009-01-06T18:12:00.004+08:00

fid boleh.

superman's 22.

-(what did he ask for again??!)

wedding preparations.

-the gubahan

-and her birthday gift and her wedding gift.. omgst.

proper date with the hapi pills

-i have and never will forget you. ililililili hear me, we need to see nurul soon!! with iffa too (:

moving house.

-talking about it i have not even start packing!! fark!

wth, so much for not wanting any resolution but im already in the plans. so less time, so no money!!!!!. and then i start to remind myself in the head how disgustingly awful it is not to be working.

tulah besarkan bontot banyak sangat. kan!kan!kan!!

2009-01-01T15:34:00.002+08:00

2009.

what's my resolution? i do not have one. for what person you are going to become for what things are you going to do, BULLSHIT. things change over time. i mean seriously, if u planned ahead you life is simply such a boring. i be 21 this year, looking absolute forward to that!! so i'm just going to sit back while '09 brings me on another surprising bittersweet bumpy ride. Complete with opportunities, risks and let's just hope...

HAPPY NEW YEAR PEEPS.

2008-12-29T20:12:00.003+08:00

i realize what hair type of styles can do to people like me especially, well i dono of a how far its true but yea. it makes me different well, i say a freaky different kind personalty thing.

i tend to care a little, no! wait too much i think.. that i didn't wash it for.. lemme see, urmh.. 4 days already! and when i'm going to sleep i'm no more jumping on the beds and start rolling myself till i snore like a pig. i will organize to lay my hair first then my head, hands by my side tugging, then my body then comes my feet because i made this stupid theory position of how little i can immobolize myself and! and! and! i tend to flip my hair towards right/left direction (handsfree) when the wind blows or when my view is blocked..

freaky i tell you, way way freaky then you nurul .hah! no wonder my mom says she saving alot of the utility bills and seems happy that she won't be screaming at me each time i'm going to bed and together with saying lines " da besar anak aku." NO! i think my femine side is starting to unleash. yikes! i don't want to be a MONSTAR!

this must be the curse from rebonded hair people sucks!

2008-12-28T10:58:00.003+08:00

yesterday!!! i rebonded my hair and dye it already and i have bangs!! yes people, bangs!! hauhahahuahauhauhaa!! . i look.. i look haahahahahahuhahua!!.. i look like... huahahuahuahhhaaahua!! but too bad!! and i'm not going to show it to you!!!!!!!!!!! huahahauhauhauhaahha!!

yea, i'm going to be a bitch like this for awhile.

2008-12-24T11:20:00.004+08:00

its hard dealing with someone who thinks he's always right. blaming every wrong to the other half letting them feeling guilty worthless half. because one have infinite try(s) and yet again have fail to satisfy what he thinks. we grew up excitingly together and know almost every little dirty secrets we share. not knowing we have come to this far, every day with you is an adventure. we use to do stupid things together and laugh at how silly we can be for most days. you love me in a weirdest way anyone could ever imagine. you listen and always, always be on my side whether i'm right or wrong or for better or worst you're always there to rely on, to nag to how much whinny and petty i can be. and you never,never ever complain.the only strength i ever had was when i looked into your eyes and i knew who i wanted to be for the rest of my life. now that's almost out of the way, i am literally nothing but that girl clad in nakedness, only draped with a broken smile.

maybe its just me who needs everything more.

2008-12-22T22:48:00.008+08:00

rollin again.

and lets be wary about it this time.

insurance done.

inspection and road tax tomorrow.

no more waiting for pesky bus drivers.

no more standing in train trips.

no more money filthy to cab(s).

pheww.

oh.. i forgot to mention.

superman is riding again now with approve License today (:

2008-12-21T15:46:00.004+08:00

Wednesday-imm, overnight.

Thursday -manhanttan, spotlight

Friday -bugis, breeko

Saturday -nick & norah's infinite playlist, Bowling, WCP.

Sunday - sleeeeeeeeeeep finally!!

he's going to kallang tonight and watch the game and this is our first ever not going together because apparently he misses gaymates party. but im cool the weather says it too. i hope its pours heavily and clashing thunders and your balls will all be soaked in smelly uncomfortable undies til itch. (:

so what

I'm still a rock star,

And I don't need you,

And i don't want you tonight.

and ya i just woke up.

2008-12-17T12:10:00.003+08:00

Happy Birthday my little Haiqal.

all grown up

2008-12-16T10:14:00.003+08:00

interesting.

If you put a number before or after a misspelled word/a random jumble of letters with no spaces, Firefox won't underline the word as being misspelled. (ex. 3utute isn't underlined. AMAZING)

and i've realize how many times each day my blog is being viewed, approximately 10 persons that doesn't include the re-visits. hmm maybe i should put that up too.

i'm watching you.

2008-12-15T21:48:00.003+08:00

and counting 1 wk away till the very day and i'm sexcited already!! and before i forget,

happy birthday darling.

happy flying ms Silk Air!! i miss you.

2008-12-13T12:00:00.003+08:00

so not zouking

due to unfortunate circumstances its been a week plus tops i have yet to receive any calls or text which leaves just you and me tonight baby. heh i just hope today its pouring heavily along with unpredictable slashing lightning and scary thunder. muhahahaha (evily).. lets pray.

what makes u think you are not that important.

2008-12-10T21:29:00.003+08:00

cruel intentions, enchanted, made of honor, fried chicken, hash brown and pepsis the whole day today. it's what we call facial exercise people. and also to withstand my unpredictatble swing, thank god i didn't kill anybody today. tomorrow's mustafa-ing with mommy. best la!

monday's the day. i smell ka-chiiiiiiiiiiiing.

2008-12-10T12:01:00.005+08:00

i get pissed over the slightest things even when he calls to ask if i've eaten then all i do is scream and start to skirmish over for nothing and i have been super super emotional bitch lately. i blab about almost everythingvwerg klajsdjhyduixcjkwcnqiwjod234tr475p87234p890p 84thibwdchyugo ivl;orivj efjbvnlkmv ljkfvn84370 gjwh lf904 ;lkvj vgjcdn qwdpocnqpoui fpqwoxcwerhjcviopn wdm;klvnq wropcqwiodfjqowicfjq;wekcjwe;fokjwc'cnjviohifmcpo'sfcsvi02k oweug' jsdg'iohjsdb,mbvjkbh vnplqioqdknxuaUIBF;WGMJjiocfdnpb dfjihidvn diofjwdv iwdjofowevb and nothing ever seems to satisfy me. sjkfhqwieunfrgoperjwgleioreuvowjdcqnwdipc hpnjkqwevh hndvqs;kvhypa;slkwopvpsdvj u cvyn vlkn owefnvds jkvgsdbvhoif sdivj hqwern xoi wqdokjn vqwejhvolbvn wqkegfuinv swbvhwelv ask lvj; pw efwjf wekljvefwlkjbv ifojb gcdbv hg noudgh.,nbiodvh asgjn giou gn gosiuhio hgnkbrjkhy uihnsg ugryuio hgrsklanasovpritwebnbzx,.apiwuiergh;lqwdgk'p qwflihv qiodgu';qwergk'qr rgju;weqrkildsg fv;kjfb feuhyo; av/qvorqoergjvnjksdljhviureodfncxbdfj popjdvjihsfqiowufh

why so serious.

2008-12-09T20:14:00.002+08:00

Hapi Birthday Erika!

i plan to not use any curl lotion n let my hair be, minah or not, spoil or not, growing or not i don't care. i promise to wash it everytime i'm in the shower so that the curl fades away quickly because i want straight hair already and i'm done being messy.

yea, i'm fickle like that.

2008-12-07T20:19:00.018+08:00

That Friday.

then again part of us still missing which i don't know when it will ever be complete. when we already reminded u, weeks before constantly. that to you, nah.. it's just like another day. so it's just me and you again.

and of course we must always fulfill the first routine. that is FOOD!

but it's just this time we come clean :)

and after, it was all fullerton, gossiping, clark quay, lights, music and of course more pictures.

nurulfidiffa love.

2008-12-03T18:11:00.006+08:00

the part when you said you be here no matter what, the laughs over stupid things we always did. and which every little things that matter. the promises that made you different from the others which they could not have live up to, the relationship that we grew into more stonger than sisters. and that you take up the shits just to cover my ass when i'm always getting into trouble, you'll always know what to do. and nothing, nothing was ever possible to seperate us. that's why i chose you to be and become the bestest part of me.

i hate this part right here..i miss you.

2008-11-30T09:48:00.000+08:00

in your 20's, waking up everyday in the morning to just hoping that nothing ever goes wrong in your body, having only 1 side of your body to help you move, to achieve even simple basic thing as such walking. Hanging on persistent medicine is what that keeps you going, fighting emotions that keeps you stonger, pray is the only amour you've got. and hope is the only future you want.

my point is this. whoever said what you don't know can't hurt you, was a complete and total moron. because for most people i know not knowing is the worst feeling in the world.

i do my friend.

2008-11-29T12:16:00.005+08:00

HaPpY 20th BiRtHdaY bEBeh!

will see you soon love!

2008-11-27T10:57:00.002+08:00

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following

reasons:

I do physical labor.

I work at great depths.

I plunge head first into everything I do.

I do not get weekends or holidays off.

I work in a damp environment.

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

I work in high temperatures.

I am willing to work any shift.

My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

The response:

Dear Penis:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have

raised, the administration rejects your request for the following

reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.

You fall asleep after brief work periods.

You do not always follow the orders of the management team.

You do not stay in your designated work area and are often seen visiting

other locations.

You do not take initiative, you need to be pressured and stimulated in

order to start working.

You leave your workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.

You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing

the correct protective clothing.

You will retire well before you are 65.

You are unable to work double shifts.

You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed

the assigned task.

And if that were not enough, you have been constantly entering and

exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,

The Management

i'm so glad for being a pussy (:

Perangai Macam Sundal = PMS

2008-11-24T14:20:00.005+08:00

Perangai Macam Sundal = PMS

i change my skin because my fucking problem la shit hole. and this time, there's no irritating cramps or that big fugly pimple or the breast ache but just the mood swings :) which i totally admit loving it because boyfriend is being super nice lately handling my tantrums.

good boy.

still here.

2008-11-15T21:27:00.005+08:00

i figure i have a problem to not update prior to uploading picture laziness. and again i've been spending time working which explains more of procrastinating. will soon, will soon. i have been late night outs and another girlfriend i've made :) which makes me miss my hapi pills, i want carly's! i want pastamania's! i want crazy crazy heavy images with you! i want shopping madness!! where are you for crying out loud already?!

(sigh..)

me and bestie have been worlling about zouking. and i make sure this time it really happens because i want to see boooobies!! big or small!! i love them all!! haaha!

pictures coming soooooon.

everyday trying.

2008-11-06T10:11:00.006+08:00

TIME CHECK- 09:53 am

often, too often ..

people will eventually get tired,too tired.

learn repeated mistakes .

and finally realise.

i do not know how much longer i can hold on to this thin thread of hope..

any longer.

paradise.

2008-11-05T07:54:00.000+08:00

she slowly swallows all her fear

and soothes her mind with lies

all she wants and all she needs

are reasons to survive

a day in which the sun will take

her artificial light

typical.

2008-11-02T02:51:00.007+08:00

you will never think when you're an angry person. harmful words just blurts out and u take stupid action for the moment to passes you by.

terfikir jugak.

2008-10-31T22:34:00.003+08:00

suke suke bingit.

suke suke marah.

suke suke tengkeng.

suke suke sayang.

macam mane ni..

one down.

2008-10-26T22:19:00.005+08:00

BEST GIRL FRIENDS LOVE FOREVER.

POWER PUFF GIRLS LOVE.

ey chinois, pls.pls. pls. email gambar kite la pantat love!!

i'm still waiting...

BFF

makcik terakhir.

congratulations bebeh. we do a hen party before you really really and i mean really belong to someone else's :) the question now is... who's next?..

jeng jeng jeeeeng....

Anyway..

my saturday morning was at the zoo with superman and then bowling with his mates later that evening.

ZOO

i took alot of animal pichas just that i'll show u the interesting ones only. the rest for keepsake.

and superman was super interested with baboons. okaaay.. not him, all of us. we stayed quite awhile in the baboons section.

cute kaaaan? macam budak kecik!!

ni lagi leeeeeepak.

and! and! and! and! we feed the kangaroos!! geliiiiii.

and marcus the sealion so the clever!!

not this ey..

and the animal show is so super boooooring.

so we set home at 5 pm and went lau pa sat for dinner and arcade cum bowling for supper. Datona racing, gun fighting and my cammy died on me!! so much for bringing a camera but all binatang pixies. but i got this priceless.

it was 2 in the morning la so he didn't mind at all.

being with you was most importantly.

at the end of the day.

crush.

2008-10-23T23:51:00.002+08:00

Something happened for the first time

Deep inside

It was a rush

What a rush

It's just too much

Just too much

Where this thing could go

Is it real or just another..

i am better than this.

2008-10-21T08:13:00.004+08:00

TIME CHECK - 03:12 a.m

I understand the feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. and how it can actually ache in places that you didn’t know you have inside you. And it doesn’t matter how many hair cuts you get or how many times you pop some bubbly with your girlfriends. You still go to bed every night, going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have miss understood. And how in the hell for that breathe moment you could think that you were that happy and sometimes you could even convince yourself that he’ll sees the light and show up at your door.

Because you’re hoping you’re wrong and every time he does something no good you would ignore it and every time he comes through and surprises you he wins you over and you lose that argument with yourself that he’s not for you.

wake up fid.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA.

2008-10-19T16:34:00.003+08:00

you're stubborn that way, maybe that's why we had many rough years before. and i'm just like you. Rocky or smoothsailing, I think it is time. I used to hate your guts but that was history. I think you made up for whatever that you did, and I forgave you a long time ago. This is my way of telling you that I care and love you, this is my way of telling you that I will always be your one and only first child. The child who first held your hand many years back, and who's still holding on to you up till today.

I love how you don't judge, you never did judge me even though I know you are sorely disappointed about my lack in spiritual faith. I am not a sentimental person, but my faith is not dead. I assure you that as hard as it is to rebuild my faith, I am trying. All those years you drove me to Quran recital, to holy schools just to funtion me into a right woman. and it won't go to waste.

Since it's your birthday and I will probably never ever say this to you personally, I want to thank you. Thank you for riding me to school with me being unpunctuality all the time for i do not know how many years already until now, still. and you got me a bike for myself even. thank you for making me realise that there is a religion. I know you were proud when I successfully khatam-ed, which is ironic if you think about it now.

I'm not one with many achievements, nor am I all brains. I go out of the house in clothes that you disapprove and I go to "parties" even though I know you will worry all the time. I might not be anywhere close to pious or smart, but I will always, always be your girl.

And you, you will always be the special person in my life. I love you, even though you crack annoying jokes and you love when people says we look like sisters every time which makes me look oooold. I pray for your health, for your safety and for your happiness.

Life would be meaningless without you. Stay, stay with me for a while longer so I can correct my wrongdoings, and make you see that you have done a wonderful job in raising me.

I hate occassions like this, makes me cry like a motherfucker.

What hurts the most.

2008-10-18T21:55:00.003+08:00

I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out

I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while

Even though going on with you gone still upsets me

There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok

But that’s not what gets me

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go

It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone

Still Harder, Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret

But I know if I could do it over

I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart

That I left unspoken

What hurts the most

Was being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

What could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was tryin’ to do

i miss you.

when superman gives up.

2008-10-18T12:10:00.004+08:00

Nothing will ever hurt me as much as your intention to make me wait. My eager arms reach out to hold you but you keep saying, "Maybe tomorrow.."

It's strange to try to deny the great suspicion of recurring feelings although I already know it well that it is happening. If fate intervenes then let's take it as it comes.

who is going to save me now.

again.

2008-10-14T23:48:00.004+08:00

when there's no time to talk,

no time to meet,

no time to argue,

no time for me.

you and you. more of you, of course.

then stop complaining already you selfish moron!

work-a-a-h-ooo-lic.

2008-10-13T23:48:00.000+08:00

i will find time for myself again.

soon people.

buah hati pengarang jantung ku.

2008-10-09T16:23:00.002+08:00

It takes some fears to make you trust. It takes those tears to make it rust. It takes the dust to have it polished.

i'm not that little girl anymore you know.

my mummurings on festive seasons.

2008-10-07T22:04:00.003+08:00

you don't know how it feels when people ask, "dah kerja ke masih sekolah?"

dalam hati.. "nak cakap kerja nanti tak dapat , kene kasi pulaak tuu, kalau cakap sekolah pulak muka tua.."

(sigh..)

i missed the times when i was a kid again enjoying collections.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GORGEOUS!!

2008-10-06T11:12:00.002+08:00

drivers.

2008-09-29T12:10:00.005+08:00

TIME CHECK - 11.08 hr

you think F1 is the fastest?, has most awesomeness skills at turning?

then maybe you should take s'pore's taxi.

RAMWAAAANG...

2008-09-29T08:24:00.017+08:00

TIME CHECK - 07:26 hr.

listening to festive songs while cleaning up just turns me mood, don't you? heh. yes. its little too early to be getting up at this time but my family's different. we start a little earlier to filled the cookie jars and laying out carpets and curtains falling because since my grandmom at my place everyone's coming to my house first just like every year to celebrate and she'll cook my all time fav dish sotong!! and sambal gorengs, home made ketupats, ayam masak merah!!, arurh i don't want to even get started.

while waiting another 4 years for this hair to grow looooong , i made up mind to do curling for now. i'm in love with curls and has always been. i just cannot stand straight and elegant that's not me for sure plus its very inconvenience. curly hair is so manageable!! i can be as messy as messy i can be because i still look awesome. now i can go out with just simple t-shirt and jeans. woopiedopiede yeyah!

bestie fall in love with my big hair and help me along to d.i.y bleach. so she did curling as well but is more towards gurly thing. iqa i'm waiting for your call awaaaaaay. oke! moms being very irritating shouting in the background already.

toodles.

its my time.

2008-09-26T00:20:00.004+08:00

TIME CHECK - 01:30 hr

when you're excited that you're gonna do something to your hair, but have not yet decided what style excites you but still feel excited? yea it complicates me too. and my plans are all lining up for that i've been working consistently the past weeks, weekends are finally here baby!!

-Tomorrow's 10 morning for saloon then Mamma Mia.. here we go again.. my my, how can i resist you...

- Geylang on saturday or wait.. maybe F1 first haa.

- iqa's winnig tics to catch a movie with the morning duo dj's ( Shan & Ros 98.7fm) on monday

can't wait!!

irritated.

2008-09-24T08:16:00.004+08:00

TIME CHECK - 08:13 am

is it me or is it just love that i love hate bragging it.

on the other hand stop calling me forever moron!! and yes how many times must i repeat myself i don't want to have anything to do with you! move on already la deh.

aiyoyioyoyo amak.

not like your every other monday.

2008-09-22T20:20:00.009+08:00

TIME CHECK- 20:43

the right side of my head is heavingly pulling me down and i could feel like stinging sensation whenever i stump my feet to walk or simply chewing my food or even talking. aaarh.. sakit nye kepalaaaa!!

anywhores. today my shift was suppose to be 9am-5pm but i came at 11am, super late. and nobody takes note of it. paramedic students, nanyang polyians plus newbees that just graduated or imported from other countries were crowding in the AnE, so ending me up in the ISO room with the most happening woman. SN Jelita. She use to be a management for entertaiments. and UNGU's coming!! (: There was a pheumonia patient that kept us in the ISO room. So it was us dancing and singing throughout Mamma Mia movie all the way till 3pm. i want to watch it again lala!! but this time at theaters!! then after i went for break till about 4 plus. and went back at 5pm stated in the roaster :)))))))) bessssst kaaaaaaan!!!

let my everyday at work be like this please.

yeaaaaaa riiiiiiight fid.

iftaar with my guurillas.

2008-09-22T00:25:00.020+08:00

TIME CHECK - 02:07 am

WARNING: MASSIVE LOAD.

enjoy.

initial plan was to be in dresses and having tulang at beach road.. but!! Ms loooong hair nurul here was plain vain woman already that we had to cancel. so we had normal food like normal people before we went kiddy.

little imagination here.

sugar, spice and everything nice.

my happy pills.

then little(NOT!) kids got hungraaaaay again at geylang.

because there were too many gazillion pictures, and that i do not have any time in my world and i have been delaying on putting it up and i'm werking tomorrow. i made it easier. yea.. i'm lazy like that too.

i could start some multiply or facebook shit uh .i think i should. haa.

i love my guurillas.

all i ask of u.

2008-09-21T18:23:00.006+08:00

Listen.

It’s such an understated word. Its value goes unnoticed even to the most discerning of men.

Why is it that we hear but we do not listen? we use our ears, words filter in bearing messages and meanings that we absorb and interpret. But it rarely goes beyond that. One reflects based on what one listened. But it fades away, this recognition.

and once again one finds himself placing forth his views and only his….one forgot what he listened to.

(sign..)

I know, I have completely abandoned this writing phase that I was in a while back. Is it because I am not very disciplined? Or is it because I have been working full time the past days and have felt too exhausted? i'm on hiatus mode for the time filling the cookie jar for this upcoming festive n boxes stagging up for the new home, work at work, work at home plus everything else that comes in between.

pictures soon.

BRING IT ON!

2008-09-14T17:01:00.004+08:00

TIME CHECK - 16:32

tonight's my last night of my 3 nights woopie doopie dee yeyyeyah! breaking my fast at my aunt's place for pizzzzzzzzza and comes mondaaaaaaay submitting my time sheet and pay's rolling next week woOoHooO!!.

i can't wait to meet my girllilas tomorrow!!!!!

when words knock you down.

2008-09-13T19:46:00.004+08:00

the time shows 5 mins to iftaar and you got the table set, the food ready laid organized awaiting, just for the man in the radio to scream prayers. then a person came knocking at your door telling that he found your dad lying on the ground. 2 words u could only thing of at that very moment "YA ALLAH". Mom rushed to the hospital, i had to picked up my sister. Alhamdulliallah, dad's alright.

tu lah, kaki belum baik dah main basikal.

there you go.

2008-09-11T22:53:00.006+08:00

woot!woot! i got furry hoodieee alreaddddy!!

and then comes in his sweetest words and thoughtful incredibility that turns me complete weak.

and! and! and! after 4 darn months, my bike still show it's best at starting after mishap. i so cannot wait to bring to workshop and mend everything that's been waiting. seriously.. thank you. i don't call you my superman for nothing.

and weekends here i'm doing night shift.

'________________'

here i am trying to be the bestest girlfriend.

2008-09-10T23:54:00.005+08:00

because this tedious love in between is skirmishing to subside anytime soon if you linger pretentiously stupid not knowing how understandable it can be.I cannot stand persistent people. Its either you're fucking ignorant or just plain dumb where even modern medicine cannot even cure your stupidity. Its as if their skull is too goddamn thick to get everything in to finally reach the brain and let it process the message. They need some device to help split their head open to eventually get it. Or maybe I will kindly volunteer to do that with my bare hands.

i hate to be the always understanding one you selfish moron.

sekarang faham tak?