speak my thoughts.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007 5/29/2007 10:16:00 AM
I cannot stop, I need something to distract me from the preposterous ideas in my head which was created by my own paranoia. Been dividing my thoughts between school and love affairs, I don't really find them irrelevant because half the time, both of them don't turn out well. I hate the feeling of starting something which I can't finish.
People keep reminding me of my stupidity when I told them I saved the relationship. But they don't know, without something important like a relationship in my life, I am like a wall with nothing to hold it together. No, it's not what you think. I am not those girls who need a man to feel whole, I just need to feel certain that there will always be someone I can fall on just so that I won't collapse on myself when the weight of this disease increase. It's the selfish concept of a makeshift solution when happy pills don't work anymore. Then again, it's hard to love something which would only promise tragedies more that happiness.
They're only looking at my life through a telescope at some distant planet, nothing is clear and that's why they make assumptions to convince themselves that they're smart. They could be 100% right, I can't be sure but if history repeats itself, I'm afraid they're going to have a funeral to attend.
i write habitually as a way to
verbalize my far too complex thoughts which
are always in a web of words, tightly woven in fabric of sentences
that complicate life unnessarily.
