speak my thoughts.
Monday, April 30, 2007 4/30/2007 11:19:00 PM
For a long time I was in love
Not only in love, I was obsessed
With a friendship that no one else could touch
It turn bad over the time.
I'm covered in shells.
I am home, I don't hear from anyone and there is still an ocean breaking inside my head. I keep thinking I will have a moment of truth soon, the clarity of this depression on why it is happening to me, when I wake up or on the bus ride to school, or even if I were to push this whole misery into sexual abandon.
Of course, it never happens. Years of therapy, it never happens. Psychotropic drugs, it never happens. Breaking up with a boyfriend, and it never happens. You see, that's the fallacy of therapy, it assumes you will have a series of revelations which will make you wiser and change your life completely. But truth is, it doesn't really work that way. You'll still be the same person because your emotional tie to your destructive habits is too strong. Like, knowing you're attracted to men who are bad for you but that still doesn't stop you from getting attracted to them. Also, I'm like a drug addict, I need a fix, I can't help myself.
For every daylight i miss u. For every nights that has past,it's been driving me into such madness just to subdue your number appearing on my mobile screen.i ignore u with much ego that has been penetrating deep inside.
i get out of control just thinking about u.i just don't know how to convey it. really.because sometimes i feel like i'm losing something, something precious, something i had my heart sat on but then again for all u've done had turn me into such confusion till now i don't understand, still.
biar ghaibmu suatu mystery.
i write habitually as a way to
verbalize my far too complex thoughts which
are always in a web of words, tightly woven in fabric of sentences
that complicate life unnessarily.
