speak my thoughts.
Saturday, March 17, 2007 3/17/2007 10:35:00 AM
There is nothing to keep me here
but I still cannot leave and walk out.
I don't have to care,
I don't have to worry.
I could close my eyes
and never open it again,
I could cover my ears
and not listen.
Sometimes,
I think that is what I ought to do right from the very beginning.
I never should have swallowed the happiness you fed me.
We used to race through everything together
but I guess,
you were too fast
while I was moving in a funeral pace.
Chasing time hopelessly,
I
failed to be with the boy I once hold dear. Unceasingly,
I lost him to time
and insecurities
and everything stupid.
I've lost you once..
I think I could do it again.
But I have never wished for us to let go.
There's never enough words to explain why I want to keep you close.
You want to know..
but you don't know what you will know.
You will back away if you learn,
you will not open your arms for me
if ever you'll ever know.
Don't fault me when spill the truth.
I have never considered the future
when we pursued the things I did.
Perhaps,
things would be kinder
if we were more upfront with each other.
And I never thought
you would leave the deepest footprint in my life..
All because I actually felt mostly happy when I am around you.
I thought we had each other forever
but time proved me wrong in the most upsetting way.
Nothing is left whole as time pass us by;
nothing is left to say.
I know not why..
its depressing.
It seems pointless to try
and make it happen
since we are never meant to be.
It was such a wrong idea to breathe you in.
You are like a wet paint now
which I am so afraid to lean against.
I now understand that you were long gone
before I can even admit it to myself.
I could've died for you
and I would do it all over again..
Since someday,
we will all die..
I might as well die for you than anything else.
While treading on the path of dysphoria
where you first found me on,
I search for a reason to keep lingering on.
Broken isn't all that I am now.
There is so much more you can't and won't fathom.
If ever you need me again, I'll just be here, hiding in my brooding.
I love you when I know it means something and I don't when it is useless. I know you love me too when you say so, I know you don't when I err.
This is the end neither one of us wants to acknowledge.
Wish me well, for I wished that for you too.
i write habitually as a way to
verbalize my far too complex thoughts which
are always in a web of words, tightly woven in fabric of sentences
that complicate life unnessarily.
