speak my thoughts.
Thursday, March 29, 2007 3/29/2007 10:31:00 PM
I'm feeling very low. Its as if I am anticipating something ill-omened. I am holding on to that thin thread of control and you had better hope I hold on tight.
I want to talk to him about everything. Confrontation is important but the contents of the spats is often too hurtful. I cannot afford another heartbreak. Its really pathetic to cling on to something which is already dead. He's NOT my boyfriend at all but the demons of constriction and the loss of freedom haunt me. I even had to modify my behaviour to heighten his happiness. So let's just stop, drop everything, forget each other's name and walk away. But before you withdraw from our not-so-calm sea of friendship, tell me which road you're taking. I don't want to risk our paths crossing someday.
I feel so stupid that I could slap myself to death
just thinking about how crazy in love I was. When I was with you, I feel like I could die and that would be alright. Now all I am asking of you is to forget our memories, forget our possibilities. Take all your inconstancy with you, just give me myself back.
I think we're still fond of each other but when I look back at you, I realised how wrong I am. One of the hardest things in life is deciding whether to give up or try harder, no?
"Sometimes parting is not so bad.
Its like, when you look up to the stars
and they're not in sight,
they're never gone.
Its just that you don't see them,"
my sister shared her analogy with me.
And I wonder how my world would look without you.
So don't look at me like that; I don't feel like falling in love with you all over again.
So, goodbye for now, beautiful.
i write habitually as a way to
verbalize my far too complex thoughts which
are always in a web of words, tightly woven in fabric of sentences
that complicate life unnessarily.
