msfido
dido

predicament
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i write habitually as a way to verbalize my far too complex thoughts which are always in a web of words, tightly woven in fabric of sentences that complicate life unnessarily.


speak

listen





speak my thoughts.
Monday, November 27, 2006 11/27/2006 07:55:00 PM
I just called Mum to apologise about the ciggs,
& the daes that i can't simply get my butt to juz be stuck at hm.
She answered after two rings and I said I shouldn't have lied & made her cry.
That thought, uppermost in my mind.
It was an action which can never be taken back.
Apologies do nothing but soothe as I often challenge her intergrity and it tested the virtues of the most forgiving woman.
She created a silence and I repeated my apologies.
Finally she said,
"I'll talk to you later".
Mere mention of that brought all my nerve endings to an
aching awareness and it relived old fears.
Umm.. I need to grow up.
Seriously?
Yeah, seriously.
Conform to expectations and not repent later.
I was overly eager to experience, to sample normal life and be free.
And in the process of it,
I fucked it up.
They say freedom is gained from trust but
my innate ability breeds corrupted sins.
I am going to be denied both heaven and hell.
Because a chronic liar will probably never be accepted by God -
it's wat i learned in religous class today in the radio.
Haha.
I think I just strapped myself in a trebuchet aimed at despair.